For several days, I actually forgot passwords including for my phone! Something I’d type multiple times a day! Just imagine how helpless and yseless I felt. Then one day, the passwords came back. 😥
I read somewhere that grief comes in waved. Never goes away. Maybe it’s just right to be like that. Stay strong.
Thank you for this raw and honest reflection. It reasoned so deeply with me. To me, I was in this heavy fog during the first few months since my son’s death. Sometimes it felt like a heavy blanket shielding me from the outside world, sometimes it was so suffocating that I nearly lost the strength to keep living. I was numb and just going through the motions. But as you said, when the blanket lifted up, fog dissipated, the world expected everything of you. We will have to intentionally give ourselves the grace to breathe, to “screw” others’ expectations.
Thank you for sharing something so heavy and so personal. Sending you hugs. 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Grief took my ability to dive deep into fiction and escape from the world. It took the enjoyment of cooking from a friend who seemed to live to cook at one time. Grief is not fair, it takes what might help heel, and it surface time and again just when you think you are finished with the worst of it.
Suz I’m so sorry grief stole your love of fiction from you. I agree it surfaces again and again at the most unexpected times. I remember one day probably a year after my husband passed away I got the mail and there was something addressed to him and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. Wasn’t what I was expecting even 5 minutes before. Grief is a special kind of thief for sure.
Hi Janice - So sorry for my delay in getting back. Lots of life has happened this week! Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read my post. It humbles me that anyone stops to read our story. That is my hope - that my sharing will find its way to someone it may help even if in the tiniest way!
Suz I’m so sorry grief stole your love of fiction from you. I agree it surfaces again and again at the most unexpected times. I remember one day probably a year after my husband passed away I got the mail and there was something addressed to him and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. Wasn’t what I was expecting even 5 minutes before. Grief is a special kind of thief for sure.
I think the fact that you can see it, that you can speak about it shows that you have a very deep mental clarity. Your mind was doing what it needed to do get you through.
Ah. Interesting observation Allie!! I think the years since his death have allowed me to gain some clarity. I sure didn’t feel like I had any mental clarity in the early days!!
Thank you for sharing with so much honest and compassion for your past self. I didn't lose a partner, but I have grieved and felt the fog in a different way. My son was in crisis for 6 months before a huge disruption and then was suddenly in residential for 4 months. My fog came before the disruption and I don't even remember most of those days. You connections to a brain injury really resonate with me, that's exactly what if felt like. I'm not sure if rest and time really would have healed, there was no time to pause everything. I've been healing and coming out of the fog. Like you, I'm not the same as when it started.
Maria - thank you for sharing a bit of your journey. I am so sorry your son was in crisis and residential care. That’s so hard! Experiencing a crisis with your child really is another type of trauma. I’m not surprised you experienced the “fog” differently!
My daughter has given me her full consent to share her struggles - I call her my “Editor in Chief” because she reads everything before I post it to make sure she is ok with it being shared. After my husband passed away she had four hospitalizations over 3 years related to her mental health. I’ll be sharing more about that in the future, but in that season I would say to people if she had “just” broken a bone the path forward would be clear, but in the crises we were experiencing there were no clear cut paths forward and it was scary. For me I had a bit of an opposite reaction in those times. I remembered everything and played things over and over in my head trying to figure out what I “missed.”
Fair point about rest and time . I’m not sure that alone would have healed either. I just wished there was recognition of the impact of grief on our brains. Hopefully with more conversations like this we will raise awareness!!!
Thank you for reaching out and wishing you, and your son, continued healing.
Hugs, Stephanie. I really feel for you. You did amazingly to get through each day and that's huge. Your experience resonates with others I've heard.
My experience of grief and the circumstances are different but 'fog' and the exhaustion resonate. May I share (link to this article) as part of an Anthology I curate about Bereavement and Grief, in my website publication? I can DM or share the link to it here if you'd like?
Thank you for your kind words. Grateful my daughter and I seem to be on the other side, but there are still days. The “fog” surprised me in its impact. Especially after feeling anger initially - I have a precious piece called Rage where I spoke about that ugliness. My hope is the pieces find their way to someone that it resonates with or who may be “in it” and help them feel less alone.
I would be humbled to have my piece shared. Thank you so very much for asking! The link to check out your website publication would be great. I am a nurse and have really felt a connection with so much on your substack. Life has happened this week but I’m looking forward to spending some time reading more of the pieces you share very soon!
Thank you so very much for reaching out. I look forward to checking out your website. So glad we could connect!
You're very welcome, Stephanie. Thank you for writing this article. This is the link to the Bereavement and Grief Anthology that I curated within my Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration Website: https://www.carermentor.com/p/articles-and-resources-on-grief
Lost my eyesight. Lost my mother two years later.
For several days, I actually forgot passwords including for my phone! Something I’d type multiple times a day! Just imagine how helpless and yseless I felt. Then one day, the passwords came back. 😥
I read somewhere that grief comes in waved. Never goes away. Maybe it’s just right to be like that. Stay strong.
Thank you for this raw and honest reflection. It reasoned so deeply with me. To me, I was in this heavy fog during the first few months since my son’s death. Sometimes it felt like a heavy blanket shielding me from the outside world, sometimes it was so suffocating that I nearly lost the strength to keep living. I was numb and just going through the motions. But as you said, when the blanket lifted up, fog dissipated, the world expected everything of you. We will have to intentionally give ourselves the grace to breathe, to “screw” others’ expectations.
Thank you for sharing something so heavy and so personal. Sending you hugs. 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Grief took my ability to dive deep into fiction and escape from the world. It took the enjoyment of cooking from a friend who seemed to live to cook at one time. Grief is not fair, it takes what might help heel, and it surface time and again just when you think you are finished with the worst of it.
Suz I’m so sorry grief stole your love of fiction from you. I agree it surfaces again and again at the most unexpected times. I remember one day probably a year after my husband passed away I got the mail and there was something addressed to him and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. Wasn’t what I was expecting even 5 minutes before. Grief is a special kind of thief for sure.
Stephanie I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Thank you for sharing your journey. I know you will help others. Hugs to you friend ❤️🩹
Hi Janice - So sorry for my delay in getting back. Lots of life has happened this week! Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read my post. It humbles me that anyone stops to read our story. That is my hope - that my sharing will find its way to someone it may help even if in the tiniest way!
Thank you Kelly. Your words mean a lot to me. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the weight of losing a child. My heart is with you.
Suz I’m so sorry grief stole your love of fiction from you. I agree it surfaces again and again at the most unexpected times. I remember one day probably a year after my husband passed away I got the mail and there was something addressed to him and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. Wasn’t what I was expecting even 5 minutes before. Grief is a special kind of thief for sure.
I think the fact that you can see it, that you can speak about it shows that you have a very deep mental clarity. Your mind was doing what it needed to do get you through.
Ah. Interesting observation Allie!! I think the years since his death have allowed me to gain some clarity. I sure didn’t feel like I had any mental clarity in the early days!!
Thank you for sharing with so much honest and compassion for your past self. I didn't lose a partner, but I have grieved and felt the fog in a different way. My son was in crisis for 6 months before a huge disruption and then was suddenly in residential for 4 months. My fog came before the disruption and I don't even remember most of those days. You connections to a brain injury really resonate with me, that's exactly what if felt like. I'm not sure if rest and time really would have healed, there was no time to pause everything. I've been healing and coming out of the fog. Like you, I'm not the same as when it started.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Maria - thank you for sharing a bit of your journey. I am so sorry your son was in crisis and residential care. That’s so hard! Experiencing a crisis with your child really is another type of trauma. I’m not surprised you experienced the “fog” differently!
My daughter has given me her full consent to share her struggles - I call her my “Editor in Chief” because she reads everything before I post it to make sure she is ok with it being shared. After my husband passed away she had four hospitalizations over 3 years related to her mental health. I’ll be sharing more about that in the future, but in that season I would say to people if she had “just” broken a bone the path forward would be clear, but in the crises we were experiencing there were no clear cut paths forward and it was scary. For me I had a bit of an opposite reaction in those times. I remembered everything and played things over and over in my head trying to figure out what I “missed.”
Fair point about rest and time . I’m not sure that alone would have healed either. I just wished there was recognition of the impact of grief on our brains. Hopefully with more conversations like this we will raise awareness!!!
Thank you for reaching out and wishing you, and your son, continued healing.
I read a little bit more of your story and we both adopted from foster. Happy to have connected in this wonderful little Substack space.
Oh that’s amazing!!! Yes I am loving substack. Hoping to connect with more foster / adoptive parents so glad we can across each other!
Hugs, Stephanie. I really feel for you. You did amazingly to get through each day and that's huge. Your experience resonates with others I've heard.
My experience of grief and the circumstances are different but 'fog' and the exhaustion resonate. May I share (link to this article) as part of an Anthology I curate about Bereavement and Grief, in my website publication? I can DM or share the link to it here if you'd like?
Hi Victoria!
Thank you for your kind words. Grateful my daughter and I seem to be on the other side, but there are still days. The “fog” surprised me in its impact. Especially after feeling anger initially - I have a precious piece called Rage where I spoke about that ugliness. My hope is the pieces find their way to someone that it resonates with or who may be “in it” and help them feel less alone.
I would be humbled to have my piece shared. Thank you so very much for asking! The link to check out your website publication would be great. I am a nurse and have really felt a connection with so much on your substack. Life has happened this week but I’m looking forward to spending some time reading more of the pieces you share very soon!
Thank you so very much for reaching out. I look forward to checking out your website. So glad we could connect!
You're very welcome, Stephanie. Thank you for writing this article. This is the link to the Bereavement and Grief Anthology that I curated within my Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration Website: https://www.carermentor.com/p/articles-and-resources-on-grief
I'll add a link to you and this article shortly.
Thanks!